One of many great aspects about living in South Africa is the ability to have your domestic help with your kids. We love our domestic, Joyce, and knew she would be fantastic to help out with Grant. Adalyn loves Joyce who is so caring, loving and playful with her. I had not spoken to Joyce much before Grant's arrival about how we raise and care for our kids and figured with some simple instruction she would be able to pick up on what we do.
One week after Grant was born, Mark went back to work and I started having Joyce help me in the morning to get Adalyn fed and dressed to get out the door to school while caring for Grant. Once Grant was fed, I would load Adalyn into the car and hand Grant off to Joyce telling her to rock him to sleep. The first day upon returning from Adalyn's school, I found Joyce in the living room just talking to Grant who was wide awake. I asked her if he just did not want to sleep, to which she said he did not, so I picked him up and immediately after a few minutes of rocking he feel fast asleep.
Day number two of handing Grant off to Joyce I gave a little more instruction. I told her to go into his room, and just rock him the whole time and he will surely fall asleep. After arriving back home, I found Joyce in Grant's room, sitting in his rocker holding Grant out in front of her looking at him and talking. I again asked if he did not want to sleep to which she said he did not, so I picked him up and again he fell asleep immediately after rocking for a few minutes.
On the eve of day number three I started to realize that maybe some of my terms were getting lost in translation. I took Joyce up to Grant's room and told her to cradle Grant in her arms and rock in the rocking chair the entire time I am gone so hopefully he will fall asleep. This day I was smarter and waited a bit before leaving so I would watch on Grant's monitor what would happen. Joyce cradled Grant, sat in the rocker but did not rock. I then realized that the term "rock" was foreign to her. I should have figured since when I spoke to her about buying a rocking chair she had never heard of such a thing. I could only find two companies who specialized in making them as none were sold in the furniture and baby stores I visited (trying to physically explain/demonstrate to sales people about rocking chairs was quite comical).
On day three I went back into Grant's room and had to physically show Joyce how to rock in a rocking chair. Both she and I had a good laugh as she learned how to rock a baby in a rocking chair not realizing you keep up the repetitive motion. Joyce then mentioned that the chair would make her fall asleep, I told her that was kind of the point, at least for the baby. Now that we had the rocking down I began to ask her more about caring for her kids to see what else may be completely different.
Joyce said that she would carry her babies on her back all day. Using a blanket, the baby would be tightly strapped to her back where it would remain all day except for feedings and diaper changes. The amount of work Joyce would have in a day would not allow her time to interact with her baby much so by wearing the baby on her back she could be more productive and still be with her baby. This is an extremely common practice among the Africans. I told her that the movement her babies feel by being worn on her back is similar to rocking and helps them go to sleep.
Our rocking chair is not the only item that is foreign to Joyce. Her children never had a crib (always sleeping in bed with her) or a swing or bouncer as those items were not practical for their budget or lifestyle. Everything from a changing table (Joyce would use a bed or the floor) to car seats (Joyce does not have a car and her kids don't ride in taxis) to high chairs (Joyce never had one and her kid's have never eaten at a restaurant to use one) really seems unnecessary to her. When I brought home a bath seat for the baby to sit in while being bathed, Joyce had no idea what it was and after I explained it she chuckled then asked why we don't just hold the baby. After viewing all of Grant's baby items through her perspective I realize that we do have an overwhelming amount of stuff for one little guy that we could do without, but strangely I also feel like I need each one of them.
For all the hardships that Joyce and her community face they are beyond resourceful and maybe if I just carried Grant around all day and nixed all of his baby items life would be more simple. Joyce's kids are just as happy as mine and loved just the same. It is easy to get caught up in the overwhelming amount of information and pressure on getting your kid ahead in life which is thrown at you even before birth and one product over another can make all the difference....so the market says. Before having Adalyn I felt like I needed all these items and I could not have the baby go without or somehow it would be a reflection on how good of a mom I was. While I was teaching Joyce how to use a rocking chair, I learned that I take all the modern baby conveniences for granted. The love Joyce shows to Grant melts my heart and even if it's going to take some time for her to learn how to get him to sleep, I know he is being cared for well and loved beyond measure.
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